68 Instagram Captions For Your Digital Life

Hola, readers! As long time readers know, from time to time we like to relax and joke around. Sometimes it’s a matter of sharing goofy faces with you. Or even funny pictures of Androids and Apples. But let’s return to a favorite — Instagram captions.

These are some fun Instagram captions. Some of these have been making the rounds, some of these are just ones that we noticed and liked, and some of them are ones that we’ve cobbled together ourselves. In any event, have fun with these, and feel free to use any that you like. Or any that you don’t like. It’s your Instagram.

My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company. — Jane Austen

One great thing about Instagram is that it isn’t near as permanent as other social media sites. You can change an Instagram caption at any point. That gives you a level of freedom and playfulness that you don’t have with others. For instance, if you don’t like your caption on Facebook, you pretty much just have to delete and reload the picture. And Twitter won’t give us the edit feature we all want. Your only option is to delete. And that always comes with a lot of problems, because whenever you delete a Tweet, you instantly look kind of suspicious. It’s like Eric Burns-White’s observations about never deleting a blog, but one played out in a million tiny sessions at a time.

All that is to say, if you try out any of these captions here and decide you don’t like it, you can always change it. Like the woman who changed all of the captions on her pictures with her boyfriend after things went south. So feel free to try stuff out, and see what you like.

One thing you want to keep in mind when you’re choosing a caption is what you want to get across. Of course, if there’s something very obvious that occurs to you to say, then by all means go with it. But if you’re reading this, then you’re a little stuck. The Instagram comment space is like a large blank wall, and your ability to comment is like a full can of spray paint in your back pocket. You want to leave your mark on the wall, but what to say?

Well, think about this: Do you want to say something really philosophical or deep? Or maybe you want to say something funny (which this list really leans towards.) Personally, I like to go totally off the wall. I like to make a content that could make sense… in certain contexts. But that seem really out of place. I like to leave comments that somebody is scratching their head over for quite some time, trying to figure out what I meant by it, unable to face the truth: I didn’t mean anything at all.

Here’s what I’m going for. I once read an email by a friend that contained the following joke: “If a mule swears, does its mother wash its hand with soap?” I puzzled over that joke for days on end before I finally broke down and asked her what that joke was supposed to mean.

It turns out that it was a typo. Instead of “mule,” she meant to say “mute.” The result still isn’t a really funny joke, but those days of head scratching… That’s what I want to foster in the people who read my Instagram comments. So some of these go for that, just as there are some that try to be clever, and some that go for humor.

I need a six-month vacation… at least twice a year.
If Conan O’Brien had become a baker instead of a comic, he’d be a ginger bread-man.
48% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
I had fun once; it was horrible.
There is no excuse for laziness. But I will never give up the search.
I eat my tacos over empty tortilla shells. I’m a messy eater, so this gives me infinite tacos.
What if Mario is the kidnapper, and Bowser is really the boyfriend?
Everyone was very bored at work that day.
Hi! I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn!
I love sleep, because it’s like a time machine that flashes forward to breakfast every time.
Don’t play dumb with me; I win every time.
A selfie a day keeps friends away.
If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram caption.
If you’re so smart, how come you don’t have anything better to do with your time than read my Instagram comments?

Celery is 98% water and 100% not pizza.
If vegetarians care so much for animals, why are they eating all of their food.
I changed all my passwords to incorrect. Now if I ever forget one, the login screen reminds me.
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues.
I have made a huge mistake.
Collect moments, not things.
Real terror is waking up one day and realizing that the world is being run by your high school class.
Look in the mirror with your eyes shut; this is what you look like when you’re asleep.
Being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly.
They flee from me that sometime did me seek.
Beware beware, his flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Smarter to be single than to be in a wrong relationship.
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

Your phone was on silent and you lost it? If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it!
Wait, today’s your birthday? That reminds me; I think my wife has one of those this year.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
I used to have superpowers, but the psychiatrist took them away.
I don’t always read the syllabus, but when I do, I don’t.
Ninety nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
It’s not a chemical reaction, I just really sympathize with onions.
If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos?
Be yourself; everyone else is taken.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
Be careful what you pretend to be, because, in the end, you are what you pretend to be.
Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.
Welcome to my autobiography.

Why is it that everyone in the world can do an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he can’t do an impression of someone who can say the word California? — Jim Gaffigan
Do something no one has ever done before: Get a Mouse Trap board and actually play the game.
If I like my art why should it be anyone else’s decision how “good” or “bad” it is. Art shouldn’t have a grade. If I’m proud of it and what I accomplished why should anyone else tell me it isn’t good enough?
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

I’ve got a doodle in my noodle and his name is Minky Boodle.
I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.
He studied Latin like he played the violin, because he liked it.
If you kiss a stranger then both of you get practice.
The heart wants what it wants.
Well behaved women rarely make history.
Oh yeah? That’s what you think.
If you think you’re cooler than me, it stands to reason that I’m hotter than you. Science!
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
We are here on earth to help others. What the others are here for I’ll never know. — Auden
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid completely.
Diplomacy is the art of letting somebody else get your own way.
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who don’t understand binary and those who do.
I can resist anything except for temptation. — Oscar Wilde

I went on a trip without my phone recently. At first I felt a little panicked, and then I remembered, this is how I used to live all the time.
Lady Astor: “You, sir, are drunk!” Winston Churchill: “And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.”

Here’s to beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems. — The Simpsons
Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered, “Who ties your shoelaces for you?”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or anybody else for that matter, if you throw it just right.
Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
No matter where you go, there you are.

We are here to fart around, and don’t let anyone tell you differently!
Go take a long walk off a short pier.
There is an art, or rather a knack, to flying, and it is to throw yourself on the ground and miss.
By the time you read this, you will have already read it.

Those are some fun captions which you’re welcome to try. But what about you, what are some fun captions that you’ve found that you’d like to share? Please let everyone else see them by putting them in the comments.

68 Instagram Captions for your Digital Life

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