Getting people to read 4,000 pages about you may be tricky, but getting them to read 280 characters? Easy. But hold on… It takes a bit of finessing, planning, and creativity to string a few words together to make a great Twitter bio that people will enjoy throughout the world takes some. Fortunately for you, we’ve compiled the ultimate list of 189 funny twitter bios and ideas from some of the best accounts. Their creative bio ideas are just an example of the multitude of options you have when writing your very own, and by the end of this article you will have everything you need for an awesome bio.
Twitter Bio Ideas
Let’s break down as precisely as we can what makes a great Twitter bio so you can recreate some of the genius ideas below and make your very own. Below I’ve outlined what I believe are key principles of creating your own unique and clever bio. With these tips you’ll be on your way to bio fame.
- Make it short and sweet. You only have 280 characters.
- Make it funny, period. If you read through the very best Twitter bios, you will notice that almost all of them are very funny.
- Be positive about yourself. Make sure it’s upbeat and positive but not too arrogant or people may get turned off.
- Don’t forget that you can change your bio as often as you like! This gives you a real freedom to play around until you have something that you like.
- Tell the truth about who you are and what you like to do. No one likes someone who lies and lives a different life on social media than they do in real life.
- Be descriptive. Nothing is more annoying than when someone follows you, and you can’t tell who they are and what their account is about by their Twitter bio.
- Be human. It’s important to make sure whatever you write displays who you are as a person and gives other people the chance to connect with you on a personal level.
Absolutely Funny Twitter Bios
Below are the best Twitter bios I’ve found around the web that range from average people to celebrities, to famous Twitter users. A lot of these are from famous people, so copy them at your own risk. Reading these will help give you a sense of some things you can say yourself.
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- A Nomad in search for the perfect burger. Do not judge me before you know me, but just to inform you, you wont like me
- I’m not on Facebook. This is all you are ever going to get
- Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger. I’m very busy and important.
- Because every breath I take proves that I can live without you.
- Buddy, can you paradigm?
- One day I woke up & I felt bad because blink-182 broke up. Then I remembered all the small things and I went back to sleep and woke up the following morning.
- I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. I’m not trying to say I don’t want you, because I definitely do.
- Trying to change the name from Tweeting to Gregging
- I was born. When I was 11 I got my first computer. Then I started writing funny tweets. That’s still what I am doing. The end.
- I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair.
- A man of mystery and power, whose power is exceeded only by his mystery.
- Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.
- Can’t remember who I stole my bio from or why.
- I’m fighting to get you out of my head but I’m holding onto every word that you ever said.
- Probably the best meat eater in the world
- I’m so much cooler online. Aren’t we all?
- The man your #librarian warned you about. Former audio engineer, now #author, #editor, future #corpse.
- Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.
- 10 Account Bios Changed
- Must follow this!
Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.
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- Married to the luckiest man alive. Uh, I mean, *I’m* the lucky one {cough} We have eleventy-billion kids. I wife. I mom. I run. I write.
- I can quote Top Gun better than you and all your friends.
- I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One Don’t reveal everything.
- Bald. Unreliable. Easily distracted.
- I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
- I am a sample size of one, not statistically significant, nor representative.
- Nerd fighter. Determined dreamer. Writer. Have ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.
- Another paper cut survivor
- Note this is Finnish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters! I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.
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- Insert pretentious crap about myself here.
- Job Opportunity Promoter, I follow back for FREE!!!
- Fascinated by transactional nature of counter knowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate but don’t engender counter-public spheres
- I love myself so much
- You can follow me if you feel like it. You can also put peanut butter in your butthole, if you feel like it.
- I have been called a Pollyanna, sugarcoated idealist. I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that.
- I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One; Don’t reveal everything.
- I recently gave up Warcraft so my productivity, and drinking, have increased dramatically.
- Please insert pretentious crap about myself here.
- Currently working towards an MBA with an emphasis in fantasy football.
- I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.
- I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.
- Damn it! How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?
- College Professor, Lawyer, Blogging on Leadership, Business, Marketing and Social Media, and lover of Craft Beer
- HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.
- I always feel sad for seedless watermelons, because what if they wanted babies?
- Spreading smiles like they’re herpes
- A mum and a wife with a really cool day job…
- Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
- I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it
Nerd fighter. Determined dreamer. Have ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.
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- Former military guy & cop. Leprechauns freak me out.
- I like BANANAS.
- I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.
- Winner of World’s Best Wife Award Category: Nagging
- I’m not going to be that rebound girl, the girl you just come to when you want her, and the girl who loves you with everything she has but yet you give nothing.
- I have friends in spite of myself.
- I’m very choosy. I’m also very suspicious, very irrational and I have a very short temper. I’m also extremely jealous and slow to forgive. Just so you know.
- Author, Self Help Satirist, Poet, Comedian, Playwright, Amateur Model. I’m like an astronaut that’s missing my tronaut. Occasionally NSFW.
- And if Sara doesn’t work out there’s always:
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- When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
- So you want to hear a couple of general and useless tweets?
- Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for other women because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.
- A force to be reckoned with, I reckon
- Here to serve….cats
- I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me. This is my new account
- Lover of pork, runner ’cause of all the pork
- I’m the illegitimate love child of Strategy and Creativity. Now neither parent admits to having me…
- We are building an empire and I have better hair than Donald Trump. He doesn’t know us from a bar of soap, but will once we develop Tait Towers
- Like blunt people? Well, here you go:
- My life was changed by a train.
- Nice guys finish lunch.
- No bio
- Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.
- Dear single boy I’m waiting for you
- If you’re reading this, then I’m already too late. Humanity has reached its final days. Please spend all that time tweeting.
- Better late than never, but never late is better.
- Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
- Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire
- I used to act. I also belly dance and eat Jolly Ranchers – not always at the same time though.
I still don’t understand Twitter, but here I am.
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- I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.
- Translation: Sports, food, and real things keep the mind in motion, floor ball raise your heart rate.
- Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay. And with a coffee. And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.
- Living vicariously through myself
- I’m really a giant cupcake. Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice
- Avid arguer. Chocoholic. Super nerd. Great lacker of empathy.
- A human. Being.
- Do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me
- I once sneezed a beanie weenie through my nose. I also made a horse faint in Costa Rica.
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- I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
- I’m Kail; I was given a girl’s name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.
- Avocado.
- Smart blogging mom. It’s all about me, really.
- An ounce of perception – a pound of obscure.
- Any combination of my first and last names you can think of, I’ve probably heard.
- If he’s dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.
- Trying to Think of a Motto Since 1973. Cartoonist, children’s author, songwriter, kazooist, and … oh well, out of words now.
- Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact? Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom
- If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment
- Don’t think for a second that I actually care what you have to say
- And in case Tacos aren’t your thing there is always:
- Marketing can solve 90% of your problems. Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.
- Slugs, snails and puppy dog tails, sugar, spice and garlic rice
- I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me. This is my new account.
- Personally, I really enjoy the clever ones:
- Nothing more than a man who cared enough to try
- Aggressively unfancy.
- See, think, and do differently. We help marketing change agents create transformative b2b brands that disrupt market conventions.
- I like to think I like to think.
A Caffeine based life-form
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- And if you’re going to follow a person who loves cake then the next logical step is to follow this person:
- I love lamp. Me too! There is something brilliant here, I can tell.
- I like a lot of things and paint a lot of nails and take bad selfies
- I’m fabulous. I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer rack.
- Transforming unconscious survival patterns into strategic authentic leadership by harmonizing your thinking IQ, feelings EQ, communication and actions.
- A human. Being and communicating with and about other beings and things. Into smart people, provocative thinking and fresh perspectives on selling stuff.
- I’m me you knucklehead
- Pudding tastes better with a plastic spoon
- I am an actor and a writer and I co-created Soul Pancake and my son, Walter.
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- Determined dreamer. Writer. Have ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.
- I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too
- My Indian Princess name is Too Many Stilettos. Love Pack football, food & fashion. I wish people had a brightness setting.
- Have own hair and like ugly things
- Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
- I love my husband, my dogs, all things marketing, three-day weekends, high-heels, reading, running, knitting, sushi, wine, long walks on the beach…wait, what?
- Tacos I agree. Tacos
- 3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die.
- In search of sleep, sanity, & The Shire
- Absolutely awkward, proud nerd & geek, decreaser of world suck
- Mix tape aficionado. Talkative introvert. I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.
- My preferred pronoun is ‘your majesty’
- I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.
- Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.
- The hardest thing about realizing you don’t love me is that you spent so much time pretending that you did.
- There is a problem with this mattress
- singiel plz ask me out Sara, see above
- Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
- Yes, I do. Isn’t that the whole purpose of twitter?
- Decoding the million wonderful and inspiring stories within the quirky world of accounting.
It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress.
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- Wearing the entrepreneur hat this week and starting a new business. Great plan of attack but no product yet. A dream told me to find the product in a dream
- Analogue at birth, digital by design.
- Roustabout, gadabout, knockabout. #Psychology #speaking
- Social strategy & implementation. Will work for shoes.
- I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
- Human being
- I watch Jurassic Park every week. Also a pretty legit baker.
- I’ve learned I don’t know anything. Have also learned that people will pay for what I know. Life is good.
- Putting the elation in Public Relations
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- Deep Thinker and Enchilada Enthusiast
- Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.
- Hi I’m Megan and I’m a really lame dork that is in love with a big dumbface named Lexus.
- Life’s so Fun-tastic. Just Be Alive!!!
- I’m 25% mom 25% comedian 62% you know what 48% mathematician and 100% woman-monkey.
- 99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% I’m usually asleep.
- If you follow me, all of your dreams will come true. I also know the difference between your and you’re but I won’t lord it over you.
- Marc is a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving nachos and beer, but a dream nonetheless.
- Was a tree…now not deal with it.
- The only thing stopping me from being pure white trash is my lack of motivation.
- Good morning. I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.
- Born at a very young age.
- The only person on Twitter who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.
- Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.
- Don’t you just hate it when a sentence doesn’t end the way you octopus
- I have not lost my mind – it’s backed up on disk somewhere.
- I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
- When I’m not seeking therapy for my Xenophobia extreme fear of Tom Cruise I’m curating the world’s most amazing David Hasselhoff fan site.
- I want to say I deserve better and mean it. I want to say I give up and believe it. I want to say I’m moving on and do it.
- I apologize in advance.
I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you got to live, you know?
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- I just want you that’s it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you.
- Follow me
- I am nothing but an angry, wild egg that loves garlic bread.
- I am a life form evolved to live off movies, comics, video games, junk food and snarky. Sadly, I will never be a Ghostbuster when I grow up. I am very gucky.
- S P E C T A C U L A R V E R N A C U L A R
- Will show ankle for five minutes of wireless
- I like cake Who doesn’t? It’s simple and to the point. I like cake and that tells me a lot about this person. We could be friends.
- Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.
- My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- Dear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there’s Twitter for a reason!
- You know the burnt-out college student in front of you in line at Target who was intermittently chuckling to herself? Nice to meet you, too.
- I have been called a Pollyanna, sugarcoated idealist. I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that
- Naturally and artificially flavored
- The spaces between my fingers were created so that another being could fill them. Guess what!!! I’m still single. Let’s see if I can help you…
- I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.
- Like all 80s kids, I was so busy being told how special I was I didn’t get that that went for everybody else, too. Now I’m sad that I’m not more important.
- Hello my cute armadillo. I’ll follow back esp. if you’re Irish
- There are a LOT of twitter accounts with blank bios, but if you don’t want to go to the effort of writing one, but at the same time you don’t want to leave it blank either then consider this:
With that I wrap up this guide to funny Twitter bios from around the the web. I hope you liked this compilation and will comment below with your favorite bio.
Also, please share with your friends via Facebook and Twitter if you found this funny.
