100 Sassy Quotes

Oh, what a pleasure it is to be sassy and unashamed. Bold, sarcastic, sharp, witty, confident – all of these traits are found in the sassy one. Maybe you’re wondering if you’re sassy or something else. No need to ask others what they think (like they would know). Take a cruise through these 100 quotes and you will figure it out for yourself. For if you can identify with it, imagine yourself saying it, and in fact look forward to having a chance to say it to someone one day, you are, almost certainly, sassy.

The quotes are numbered in each section to make it easier for you to come back to one that you like, rather than one long list of 100 (but they are all here, just add them up). When possible, a quote has been attributed to the person known to have said or written it, including the anonymous ones. The exception is the very last section, which features only anonymous posts.

The Sassy Woman

Most people associate being sassy with women, often calling them girls or babes when the attitude is present. The most timeless and quintessentially sassy ladies of the past century is undoubtedly Mae West, both the lady herself and the roles she played. Other Hollywood stars were just as compelling, along with many writers, designers, and even one adorable cartoon character. Here are a few quotes showing their spunk, determination, individualism, and confidence.

1. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. — Mae West
2. Let a smile be your umbrella if you want to stand out in the rain like a grinning idiot. — Maxine
3. A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. — Eleanor Roosevelt
4. If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. — Katharine Hepburn
5. The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. — Gloria Steinem
6. I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me that trouble of liking them. — Jane Austen
7. I’m on a health kick. If anyone hands me something healthy, I kick ’em. — Maxine
8. I don’t care what you think about me; I don’t think about you at all! — Coco Chanel
9. I’m single because I was born that way. — Mae West
10. Age is not important unless you’re a cheese. — Helen Hayes
11. When I’m good, I’m good; but when I’m bad, I’m better. — Mae West
12. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. — Judy Garland
13. There’s a lot to be said for motherhood. Just make sure the kids are out of earshot first. — Maxine
14. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. — Maya Angelou
15. Someday I want to be perfect; until then, I’ll be happy being incredible. — Maxine
16. Old age is no place for sissies. — Bette Davis
17. If you rest, you rust. — Helen Hayes
18. Life is hard. After all, it kills you. — Katharine Hepburn
19. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.– Mae West
20. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. — Marilyn Monroe
21. It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. — Marlene Dietrich
22. It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. — Tallulah Bankhead

Shoes

It is a stereotype, of course, but the sassy woman takes you up on it and flaunts it in your face: Women and shoes. Most of these quotes are anonymous, but we know a woman said it.

1. Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world. — Marilyn Monroe
2. A woman with good shoes is never ugly. — Anonymous
3. Life is too short to wear boring shoes. — Anonymous
4. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life. — Anonymous
5. Life is short. Buy the shoes. — Anonymous
6. Good shoes take you good places. — Anonymous
7. Life is short; heels shouldn’t be. — Anonymous
8. High heels and red lipstick can put the fear of God into some people. — Anonymous

Lipstick

You’ll also find a good number of sassy quotes talking about the power a woman can take for herself from a good lipstick, and other makeup elements.

1. Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together. — Elizabeth Taylor
2. If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack. — Coco Chanel
3. Just have fun. Smile. And keep putting on lipstick. — Diane Keaton
4. Never ask a girl with winged eyeliner why she’s late. — Anonymous
5. If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is, who cares?– Tina Fey
6. A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear. — Marilyn Monroe
7. I would rather lose a good earring than be caught without make-up. — Lana Turner

Housework

Housework is usually a woman’s theme, too, and a choice topic for many successfully sassy comediennes. This section has a few anonymous quotes, and one or two could be from men, of course, and one is definitely from a man, but we know that most of them sprang from the heart and mind of a woman.

1. Housework, if you do it right, can kill you. — Erma Bombeck
2. I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes a riding model. — Roseanne Barr
3. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. — Anonymous
4. Doing housework is about mind over matter. If I don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. — Anonymous
5. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do 40 pounds of laundry every week. — Anonymous
6. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? — Phyllis Diller
7. My house isn’t a mess. Those are obstacles for burglars. — Anonymous
8. No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. — Erma Bombeck
9. There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it. — Erma Bombeck
10. Stop dusting and you can use your coffee table as a message board. — Maxine
11. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. — P. J. O’Rourke
12. Excuse the mess but we live here. — Roseanne Barr
13. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Sassy Men

As I said earlier, most people think of sassy ladies, but there have been some bold, confident, quick-witted men who didn’t much care what others thought of them, too. Here are some quick examples.

1. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. — Oscar Wilde
2. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. — Isaac Asimov
3. I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. — Frank Sinatra
4. There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family. — Jerry Seinfeld
5. Expectation is the root of all heartache. — William Shakespeare
6. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. — Johnny Carson
7. I’m for whatever gets you through the night. — Frank Sinatra
8. Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. — Mark Twain
9. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Oscar Wilde
10. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. — Mark Twain
11. Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. — Rod Stewart
12. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. — Oscar Wilde

Sour Sass

One well-known quote is, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It’s supposed to encourage us to make the best of whatever comes our way. Here are five anonymous sassy versions of the saying.

1. When life gives you lemons, grab the vodka and some ice.
2. When life gives you lemons, put them in your bra. It won’t solve your problems, but the extra attention is nice.
3. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.
4. When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone else’s eyes.
5. When life gives you lemons, sell them and buy shoes.

Anonymous Sass

By far, the sassiest of all sassy quotes come from every day sassy people like you and me. Maybe we put them on a status update in Facebook, and then someone sees it and turns it into a quote graphic to share on Instagram or simply tweets it out to followers. No one knows our name, so there is no attribution at all, not even the nondescript “Anonymous.” That’s why this section is the longest of all.

1. I like my coffee like me: Dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
2. Well-behaved women rarely make history.
3. Every box of raisins is the woeful story of grapes that could have been wine.
4. The trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
5. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
6. Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
7. Those who laugh last think slowest.
8. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
9. I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.
10. I’m not really funny. I’m just incredibly mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
11. Exercise would seem so much better if calories screamed as you burned them.
12. Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.
13. Whatever you do, give 100% (unless your donating blood).
14. You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
15. When a woman says, “Just do what you want,” never, ever do what you want.
16. If I wanted to kill myself, I could climb to your ego and jump to your I.Q.
17. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
18. To err is human; to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
19. I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and wants to play with it.
20. I heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you; I’m the coach.
21. Best friends don’t judge each other; they judge other people, together.
22. Elegance is more than getting noticed. It’s being remembered.
23. Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a new dress.
24. The only negativity I want in my life is on a pregnancy test.
25. She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten.
26. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. That’s your parents’ job.
27. If you don’t have something nice to say, you’re probably just being realistic.
28. Not everyone can be a princess. Somebody has to wave as I go by.
29. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
30. The best things in life are actually really expensive.
31. We met for a reason. You’re either a blessing or a lesson.
32. I’m allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.
33. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

So, what do you think? Are you sassy? Or, something else? If you’re not sure, at least you have some hints on the direction to head with it if you want sassy to become your meme. Maybe you have your own sassy quote you’d like to share with us in the comments — I look forward to it! Thanks for reading!